Life is About Moments

I am at crossroads contemplating the various options I may have in my career and life. After about three years in private practice, I find myself losing steam. Some may call this burnout, while others may say that it is the right time to reconsider what I am doing. While I have consulted some of my seniors on my situation, one piece of advice which I have received is that life is about moments.

I might be used to thinking of life as a linear progression, so the idea that life is a collage of moments is a refreshing perspective to me. Upon reflection, I begin to see the difference it could make to the way we live and the decisions we make and would like to take this opportunity to share some of my thoughts with all the other young lawyers out there.

Are We Missing the Moments?

For many young lawyers who have just embarked on their legal career, there are quite a lot of things to complain about and most would be hard put to describe their current state of affairs as enjoyable. We are, at this stage, sweating it out on steep learning curves. The unbridgeable gap, between the realities of life and the ideals we used to have while in school, could be quite a rude shock for most of us who are unprepared for it. We complain about the painful learning process involving late nights and bruised egos and are preoccupied with these moments of agony, exhaustion, depression and self-doubt. I could not at any time call these experiences enjoyable, and if we have to live life by these moments, then life is rather uninspiring.

To deal with these somewhat painful moments of life, some of us try to be desensitised to the present and look forward to and aspire after the success of the seniors who have paid their dues. Determination and hard work are key to success. Burying ourselves in work to just do it and before we know it, a decade could have gone by and we would emerge from our cocoons ready to fly.

On the other hand, an increasing proportion of us decide to give up from the start, believing that youth should not be “wasted” in a suffocating corporate environment. The grass could be greener and the air fresher outside of the small office cubicles and these brave souls are willing to give up law to discover new passions and something else which they may be better at. 

The rest of us get by with what we have while wanting what we have not. This is where all the talk about “balancing” comes in, which still leaves most of us discontented and unhappy at least five out of seven days. We complain when work encroaches on life and complain again when life compromises work. To have it all means an eternal internal struggle between one’s priorities and having constant doubts of “what-ifs”. Perhaps some of us will manage to juggle quite a number of fronts, bordering on exhaustion; while others trade some goals for others along the way and learn to accept living with some regrets. 

All of us, regardless of how we deal with our present agonies and as a matter of degree, are focused on a future goal, be it partnership in a law firm, achievement in some other industry or attaining a balanced lifestyle. There is clearly no one-size-fits-all when it comes to what we choose to do with our lives, but the question of how we live our lives is key, regardless of what we do with our lives. Are we missing the moments when we are pursuing our future? 

Remember the Moments Which Define Us

As we get caught up with the agony of our present and the anxiety for our future, we often lose sight and forget about the meaningful moments we have and had. It is like a journey on a bullet train, while putting up with the discomfort of the journey and getting anxious about arriving at the destination, we live our fast-paced life bypassing the scenery along the way.

We may think that the scenery at this stage of our lives is barren and monotonous but I remember my mentor once told me that one of his most memorable moments was watching the sunrise from his office after a whole night of preparation for a hearing. If the only views we have are views from our offices, does it mean that we stop looking up and feeling the warmth of sunshine, which never stops touching our lives? 

Apart from complaining about some less than enjoyable experiences we have now, do we still remember our pride and joy when we were informed of our admission to and graduation from law school? Do we still share the excitement and the stories of how we spent our first pay checks? I can still recall how smiley I was throughout the day when I received my first stack of minty new name cards printed with my name as an associate of the firm (my mum still hogs a secret stash of it); how touched I was when a client sent me a token of appreciation expressing her gratitude for what I had done for her; how elated and surreal I felt when I obtained the order I was seeking at my first High Court hearing by myself, with the support and calming presence of my mentor …

Even those moments of pain and disappointment, I remember them, not to feel sorry for myself, but to learn the lessons and take off from where I have left off, to grow stronger and to soar higher.

As we go through life, there will be many more moments which will strike us or touch us, and will define us by giving meaning to our lives. Will we be able to savour those moments and appreciate their full meaning? Or will we let them just pass by, to reach our destination with no memories of our journey or stories to tell?

Keep up the Passion to Live for the Moments

So I have realised that I should not rush through any process by being too fixated on the end game. If life is a game we play, we play with each single step and every drip of sweat – the score is only a record but not the fun itself. If life is a meal we eat, we savour every taste in every bite – getting full is the result but not the enjoyment itself. If life is a walk around a park, we breathe in the fresh air and smell the flowers – taking in all the sensations knowing that we will be finishing at the starting point.

To all who may be feeling desensitised and just drifting along the present while banking on the goodness promised by the future, keep in mind that we never know if the future will come but the present is the only thing that is real. Love the ones we love; care for the things we care about; do what we do as best we can (even if the process is extremely tiring and excruciating); and most importantly, discover the silver linings and enjoy every moment, because every moment counts in life.

Regardless of what a moment entails and what we eventually achieve, life is indeed about moments, because “life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away”.

► Shen Xiaoyin
     Member, Young Lawyers Committee
     The Law Society of Singapore